Life had to go on, I had to survive on my own, my story continues Part 12

By Kemi Mobuse - Wednesday, May 11, 2016

So, I decided I had to be the best I could be, in my studies and my personal life and allow no one to make me feel inadequate. I started by talking to my friends, Jemmy, Tope, Cynthia that: we should always try to sit together and reserve seats for one another in the hall,whenever we have lecture. That way, no matter what, we get a chance to sit together. Because of that, It was easy for me to dub their notes, compensating for whatever I may have missed when the lecturer was in Class.
I actually had to study extra hard and I didn't mind a bit. It was just saddening at times though, that; as our group of three got larger, I started feeling left out. Conversations would be flying over my head at will and I will find myself turning my head from left to right, trying to catch up, to no avail. SO, I decided to just start tuning  everyone out and only talk when the conversation is directed at me.

Another coping trick I used was; to try to dominate the Conversation, that way, I felt safe, because I know what was being discussed. But, inspite of that, the conversations eventually shifts and I am left out in the cold again. I compensated still, by limiting my interactions more to after school hours and read a lot of Novels while in school,to make up for my loneliness, during lecture free periods

As time wore on, the cost of maintaining the hearing aid, started getting to me, a pack of hearing aid battery costs 1,500, and it lasts me for just two months at most. Back then, as a student, that was a lot of money, considering I had  to travel all the way to Lagos to see my ENT doctor, to buy the battery from him. Somehow though, I managed.

Then, later on in my first year, I met my first Boyfriend, He and I dated for years. Things were rosy in the beginning, but at time went on, I began to feel inadequate due to my hearing issues and eventually, the relationship went awry. There was a lot of up and down, relationship wise, and even with my friends, with my confidence largely affected , but I just kept on believing, that I would eventually be fine. And I was. Relationships for me, from then on was nothing to write home about, at a point, I found myself on my own, with only God to talk to. Things were just not going well personal wise, I actually resorted to giving up and taking my own life, IT was that depressing.

And at a point, I actually did try to take my life but didn't succeed., I took some pills and fainted after. It was due to another failed relationship, which involves someone I saw as a close friend of mine. (I noticed one trend back then, that; People took advantage of my being unable to hear, to talk about me, even in my presence) and this was partly how, this failed relationship came about. Thank God for His Mercies though, He sent a male friend of mine to check on me at that moment, who met me on the floor and quickly administered first aid on me, and got me admitted to his Mum's Clinic.

I realized there and then, that; I had reached the peak of my strength and the bottom low of my life, but inspite of it all, God got my back......

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  1. Always always he got our back. That part of dominating conversation lol i can relate. Am always left out, then along the line i get lost and be staring like a mumu....hahaha,funny tho 😁
    Life sha!!!!!!

  2. Hmmmmmm...I'm getting emotional ere..thank God you overcame

  3. Nice 1 dear.u are a strong woman.

  4. It all happened for a reason. U eventually came out stronger and now you are sharing ur story for others to learn. God will continue to be there for you dear. *Hugs & kisses*