WHEN SCOTLAND CHOSE ME PART 6 — WHO CLOSES SHOP AT 5PM?! 😭😂
By Kemi Mobuse - October 21, 2026
Off home I went, and for once, Google Maps decided to have sense and cooperate. Small mercies, my people!😒
As I watched buses passing me one after another, it still didn't occur to me that I could simply hop on one. After all, my friend had advised me that very morning to save my money and walk home.
And like a good student, I followed her advice!
What Auntie conveniently forgot to mention was the HILL I would have to climb on my way home!
Omo mehn!
That hill alone deserved its own visa application. By the time I finished climbing it, I was convinced I had lost at least 3kg. Who needs a gym membership when you can trek up Dundee hills in freezing weather? 😭😂
So there I was, trudging home in the cold, questioning all my life decisions, when guess who I spotted sitting comfortably inside one of the buses passing me?
MY FRIEND!!!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
AUNTIEEEEE!!!
SEBI YOU SAID WE SHOULD BE WALKING HOME TO SAVE MONEY?!
So what exactly was your shadow doing inside that bus? Because if that wasn't you, then your village people have sent your identical twin to come and mock me!
Mschewwww!
Another heartbreak! 💔😂 Apparently, one of the survival skills you need in the UK is to take every piece of advice with a pinch of salt. Better still, investigate the person giving you the advice before you follow it!
Anyway, I eventually made it home and promptly knocked myself out because, my people, ALL MY JOINTS WERE ACHING!
The last time I trekked like that was while I was at UNAAB, over 14 years ago. After leaving UNAAB, the only other serious trekking I ever did was while shopping at Eko Market.
But that one is different, abi?
That one is for therapy, enjoyment and the opportunity to buy things you know you didn't need. 😂🛍️
Nobody is forcing you to trek at Eko Market. You are trekking willingly, with joy in your heart and possibly with your purse getting lighter by the minute!
But this Dundee trekking? In the cold? Up a hill? With no akara, no suya and absolutely no enjoyment?
ABEG, WHO SENT ME?!
Fast-forward to 5 pm ish.
I finally woke up, and guess what greeted me?
HUNGER!
Again!
At this point, hunger and I were becoming very close friends. 😭😂
I decided to go to the supermarket to buy some spaghetti. Simple plan, abi? Buy spaghetti, return home, cook and eat. Nothing complicated.
Off I set again, back into the cold, with my teeth chattering as though they had joined a musical band.
And guess whattttttttttt?!
THE SUPERMARKET WAS CLOSED!!!
😳😳😳😳😳
I looked around, left and right, up and down, trying to jog my memory. Had they been open today? Was today a special day? Had I somehow forgotten what day of the week it was?
My brain, ever confident in its own abilities, immediately confirmed that I was not losing my mind.
OF COURSE THEY HAD BEEN OPEN!
I had literally seen the shops open while walking home earlier that day!
I thought perhaps they had just stepped out. Maybe somebody needed to use the toilet. Maybe they were rearranging something inside.
I walked farther down.
CLOSED!
I walked a little further.
CLOSED!
And a little more.
STILL CLOSED!!!
AH-AH! 😭
Are you people playing with me?!
WHO THE HECK CLOSES SHOPS AT 5 PM?!
WHEN IT'S NOT ORO FESTIVAL?!
My people, I still walked to the end of the street, hoping to find at least ONE shop that was open.
Nothing!
Silence!
Everywhere was as quiet as though the entire street had collectively agreed to go and sleep.
I stood there, staring at the shops, unable to believe my eyes.
Finally, I decided to ask one of my new friends, one of those “talking-through-the-nose” people, aka Oyinbo. 😂
And she casually replied, in her usual talking-through-the-nose manner:
“Yeah, yeah! All shops close at 5 pm here.”
EXCUSE ME?!
ALL?!
AS IN, ALL ALL?!
She explained that very few shops stayed open late, and those were mostly the big supermarkets.
And the nearest one?
FIVE MINUTES AWAY BY BUS!
😭😭😭😭😭
MY BODY COOLED DOWN!
I was OVERGASTED!
FLABBERWHELMED!
GOBSMACKED!
In fact, my English had packed its bags and abandoned me at that point.
Because tell me, how was I supposed to process this information?
In my beautiful Naija, by this time, the hot akara sellers would be bringing out fresh batches of akara. The suya man would probably just be setting up his fire, getting ready for business.
And those pharmacies?
Unless it was getting seriously late, 9 pm could come and go, and nobody would be asking them to close shop!
But here I was in Scotland, unable to buy spaghetti at 6 pm because the shops had already called it a day!
MY PEOPLE, WHAT KIND OF LIFE IS THIS?!
Dear UK, I think it's time for STRIKE 12! 🎴😂
I had barely finished processing the shop wahala when I looked up and realised something else.
IT WAS GETTING DARK!
At around 6 pm?!
As in, DARK DARK!
I could barely see my own hands! 😭😭😭
I looked around me and wondered, KILODE?!
UK, WHAT IS GOING ON GANGAN?!
You want your strike so badly?!
OYA, TAKE STRIKE 13! 🎴
Flips hair in triumph! 💅🏽😂
With my heart deeply broken after finding no food and witnessing this sudden darkness, I trudged back home.
Only to realise something that made me even angrier.
In my haste to find more shops, I had somehow descended that annoying hill with the agility of an Olympic athlete!
But on my way back?
THE HILL WAS WAITING FOR ME!
😭😭😭
I looked at the hill. The hill looked at me.
And angrily, I climbed it again, cursing under my breath.
Omo, if that hill could talk, it would have reported me for verbal abuse!
Regret followed every step as I thought about my precious Naija. 😪😪😪
Thankfully, my friend had some leftover food, which she offered me after I narrated my ordeal.
But not before she laughed her head off!
AUNTIE, IS THAT HOW YOU HELP SOMEBODY?!
Someone has suffered trekking, hunger, darkness and emotional damage, and your first response is laughter?!
Nonsense girl! 😑😑😑😂
Anyway, at least I finally got something to eat. Small mercies, my people!
Later that night, I decided to do my laundry.
And wonder of all wonders!
MY FRIEND SAID SHE DIDN'T HAVE POWDER DETERGENT!
🫨🫨🫨
EXCUSE ME?!
No washing powder?!
I mean those beautiful detergents we use back home? The ones that wash your clothes as though they are washing away your sins, and you come out looking spotless?!
Those ones that make you feel as though even your ancestors' mistakes have been forgiven?!
😂😂😂
Instead, she brought out something called a POD!
A POD?!
KILONJEBE?!
🥲🥲🥲
My people, I looked at the dirty laundry I wanted to wash in confusion, then looked at the tiny pod she handed me.
I looked at the pod again.
Then at my clothes.
Then back at the pod.
HOW?!
HOW EXACTLY DO YOU EXPECT THIS TINY THING TO WASH ALL THESE CLOTHES?!
Is this detergent or sweet for a baby?!
😭😂
I was beginning to sound like a proper village illiterate, but abeg, nobody should blame me! I had never used this thing before!
Nevertheless, I decided to give the little pod a chance to convince me.
And my people…
TRUE TO ITS WORD, IT DELIVERED LIKE THE PRESIDENT! I'm now a believer!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
The clothes came out clean, and I had to admit that this tiny thing knew what it was doing.
I quietly respected the pod.
Lesson learnt!
And that was it for the day, as I had already made up my mind to go and find my own house the next day.
But first, I had lectures to attend!
And guess what?!
KEMI DID NOT HAVE A SINGLE NOTEBOOK!
🫣🫣🫣🫣🫣
I had bought plenty of pens and pencils, but somehow, I forgot the ONE THING I actually needed to write in!
WHAT WAS I PLANNING TO DO WITH ALL THOSE PENS AND PENCILS?!
Write on my palms?!
Take notes on my thighs?!
Or should I borrow my friend's forehead?!
😭😭😭😂😂😂
My people, tomorrow was already looking interesting, and I hadn't even attended my first lecture!
But wait, there's more!
Remember that journey from Edinburgh to Dundee? I had to make it again, this time, to go pick up my family.
MY PEOPLE, I SPENT £150!
ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY POUNDS!!!
When I could have spent just £30!
😳😳😳😳😳
HA! My heart!
MY PRECIOUS MONEY!
Wo! let me not even start that story now. My heart is still hurting!
But one thing is certain…
UK, WE ARE DEFINITELY KEEPING SCORE! 🎴😂 and don't worry, this JJC has a bag full of red cards, just for you, mschewwww!
TO BE CONTINUED…



































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