Can you believe a whole 4 years has passed and I still remember my first £20? 😔
Stolen by that SIM card!
Now here's the shocker! That sim line never worked where I chose to live!!
Like whyyyyyyyy!!! 😭
In Nigeria, if MTN or Glo is misbehaving, okay… MTN and Glo are MTN and Glo. 🙄 We know them. 😂
But a WHOLE UK?!
You mean I have entered a whole United Kingdom and I still cannot get network?!
Excuszeeee mi!
You also mean I can't call my husband to tell him say I love him even with his big shiny head??? 😕 Sigh!
That was my first proper culture shock. 😂
Sorry, I digress!
Getting home was another herculean task. I had no idea what bus to take to Dundee from Edinburgh.
YOU MEAN that a whole ME doesn't have a handsome man in sunglasses, holding a placard with my name written boldly in CAPS on it, just waiting for me to come and be driven home, soft-life style????
It izzz well!
I sha finally dragged my boxes and my Ghana Must Go behind me, asking all and sundry where to get a bus to Dundee.
I sha finally dragged my boxes and my Ghana Must Go behind me, asking all and sundry where to get a bus to Dundee.
I snubbed all the blacks and faced the whites 😚😚😚 Foolish me! I should have known!
As one Oyinbo pointed right, another pointed left, speaking through their noses. 😫😫😫
Helloooo! Why speak through your nose, my fine people?
Itzzz okay! You can speak through your mouth, my darlingssss! You are looking at someone who scores A's in English while asleep and has perfect intonation too! 🤪🤪🤪
And this language y'all are speaking is not what Hollywood showed me ohhh! Kilonhappen???
See ehn! I knew there and then, my people, I'm in for a loooooong ride and it's gonna be a bumpy one. 😪😪😪
Finally, I saw the bus stop going to Dundee, so I dragged my boxes and Ghana Must Go and expected everyone to clear road for me, as per one important person that had just arrived! 😅😅😅
Because it's not easy paying £20,000 for my first year alone.
I'm rich people, let no one try me! 😫😫😫
But guess what!
No one cleared road oh!
No one even volunteered to help.
Instead, I got angry looks and stares, and I'm likeeeee, calm down people!! I'm not your enemy!
Someone finally pitied me and told me to queue. 🤕🤕🤕
These people don't know they are dealing with rich person!
Mschewwwww!
I finally queued with all my boxes and Ghana Must Go.
You would think that was the end????
I wish!
Time to board!
Oga Driver, please come down and arrange my load, Sir.
Oga Driver pointed at me, said some things that sounded foreign through his nose and pointed to the bus!
What's this one saying?🤔🤔
In Nigeria, they collect my loads and arrange for me.
Who are you, Sirrrr?!
One person pitied me at last and showed me what to do.
Triumphantly, I finally entered the bus.
Oya, time to pay.
With a huge flair, I brought out my card, so they kmow we have cards too where I came from 🫡.
DECLINED!
CHIMOOOOO!!!! IYANMI!!!!! who did I offend? 😐
I was paying with GTB Mastercard.
Ha! Nigeria fall my hand! Just when I'm feeling proudly Nigeria 🇳🇬 mschewwwww, mschewwwwwn't it?
Driver dashed me evil gaze.
I smiled evil smile in return and said:
“Sir, I have money. Do you take cash?”
I sha finally paid and sat down!
I told myself...
“Oluwakemi! Welcome to UK.”
So UK, take your Strike 3 🎴
Because that was a very unwelcome welcome! 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
I was paying with GTB Mastercard.
Ha! Nigeria fall my hand! Just when I'm feeling proudly Nigeria 🇳🇬 mschewwwww, mschewwwwwn't it?
Driver dashed me evil gaze.
I smiled evil smile in return and said:
“Sir, I have money. Do you take cash?”
I sha finally paid and sat down!
I told myself...
“Oluwakemi! Welcome to UK.”
So UK, take your Strike 3 🎴
Because that was a very unwelcome welcome! 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
Emmm my people, when I said I was leaving for the UK, na Scotland choose me ohhh! 😂 I applied to several schools in England, they were like....who is this one 😳, I even wan read mental health Nursing, I nearly became a mental patient in the course of the applications sef 😫 until Scotland said: Hello Fyne girl 😋 can i meet youuu! Well... I just couldn't resist 🫠
I just carried my two legs, enter plane and saw myself inside COLD.
Nobody warned me at all!
See me when I was leaving versus when I landed! 😭😂
I had left Nigeria looking like somebody going somewhere to enjoy life. Next thing, Scotland said:
“Enjoyment? Sit down first.” 🥲
Even my shoes complained at a point that this wasn't what we discussed and decided to pinch my existence off! 😭😭
The shoes won the battle and I entered a whole UK wearing Crocs....Me! A fashion Fanatic
Because at that point, I had abandoned fashion. Survival had entered the chat 😂
On getting down on the tarmac, cold slammed me hard in the face!
Not gently oh.
It penetrated my skin and went straight to my ancestors. 😭
A whole tush babe like me was now shivering like a skinless chicken! 🤣🤣🤣
Like… what exactly was happening?!
I was TOTALLY unprepared.
Me that prides myself on being a good researcher.
YIMU! 🤦🏾♀️😂
I researched everything else but the weather! But then again, why would weather be important? 🤪
I was sha going to land, go to school, move into my house and continue my life.
What's my own business with whether the weather is weathering?
My dearrrr…
The UK said: “I AM the boss here.” 😭😂
So there I was, fighting for my life against the coldest cold I had ever encountered.
What a very unfriendly welcome! 🫥🙄
Strike 1 🎴
But then, as a hot babe, memories must be made. 😂
So I decided to do social media versus reality and entered full posing mode. 😁😁😁
Forget the fact that I had even cut my hair because I was told making hair in the UK costs an arm and a leg. 🤨
That was also very bad advice, by the way. 😂
But that's gist for another day!
Anyway, I had barely landed and was already expecting a warm welcome committee.
Imagine my shock when Oyinbo no even look at me twice!
There I was dragging four hefty boxes, plus one Ghana Must Go that was probably carrying my entire Nigerian existence...
And I was expecting:
“Can I help youuuuu?”
Nothing.
Zero.
Nada.
Nobody!
I carried my bags myself. 😭
Only me.
I was shocked!
Because why so unfriendly when I had all my 32 out?! 🙄😂
Strike 2 🎴
Then came the matter of my phone.
I needed to get to the house, obviously, but the airport Wi-Fi?
Na just small browsing them dey allow.
That Wi-Fi was stingy! 😭 Nobody warned me that I should have bought a UK SIM card from Nigeria.
Tell me why I entered a shop at the airport and paid £21 for a simple SIM card!
£21!!!!
Only for me to later hear that you could get it for £1 in some shops!
ONE POUND??????
£1 BA-WO-OOO! 😭😭😭
At that point, I felt personally betrayed.
“Enjoyment? Sit down first.” 🥲
Even my shoes complained at a point that this wasn't what we discussed and decided to pinch my existence off! 😭😭
The shoes won the battle and I entered a whole UK wearing Crocs....Me! A fashion Fanatic
Because at that point, I had abandoned fashion. Survival had entered the chat 😂
On getting down on the tarmac, cold slammed me hard in the face!
Not gently oh.
It penetrated my skin and went straight to my ancestors. 😭
A whole tush babe like me was now shivering like a skinless chicken! 🤣🤣🤣
Like… what exactly was happening?!
I was TOTALLY unprepared.
Me that prides myself on being a good researcher.
YIMU! 🤦🏾♀️😂
I researched everything else but the weather! But then again, why would weather be important? 🤪
I was sha going to land, go to school, move into my house and continue my life.
What's my own business with whether the weather is weathering?
My dearrrr…
The UK said: “I AM the boss here.” 😭😂
So there I was, fighting for my life against the coldest cold I had ever encountered.
What a very unfriendly welcome! 🫥🙄
Strike 1 🎴
But then, as a hot babe, memories must be made. 😂
So I decided to do social media versus reality and entered full posing mode. 😁😁😁
Forget the fact that I had even cut my hair because I was told making hair in the UK costs an arm and a leg. 🤨
That was also very bad advice, by the way. 😂
But that's gist for another day!
Anyway, I had barely landed and was already expecting a warm welcome committee.
Imagine my shock when Oyinbo no even look at me twice!
There I was dragging four hefty boxes, plus one Ghana Must Go that was probably carrying my entire Nigerian existence...
And I was expecting:
“Can I help youuuuu?”
Nothing.
Zero.
Nada.
Nobody!
I carried my bags myself. 😭
Only me.
I was shocked!
Because why so unfriendly when I had all my 32 out?! 🙄😂
Strike 2 🎴
Then came the matter of my phone.
I needed to get to the house, obviously, but the airport Wi-Fi?
Na just small browsing them dey allow.
That Wi-Fi was stingy! 😭 Nobody warned me that I should have bought a UK SIM card from Nigeria.
Tell me why I entered a shop at the airport and paid £21 for a simple SIM card!
£21!!!!
Only for me to later hear that you could get it for £1 in some shops!
ONE POUND??????
£1 BA-WO-OOO! 😭😭😭
At that point, I felt personally betrayed.
Because how can something I bought for £21 be standing somewhere else for £1?!
See ehn...
I will be back. My heart still hurts.
The whole £20 difference was doing me somehow. 😭😩
And this was just the beginning of my Scottish welcome.
I had arrived with excitement, expectations, and plenty research...
Only for Scotland to look me straight in the face and say:
“Welcome to your new life, Kemi. Hope you are ready?” 😂😂😂
Me: 😐
Scotland: 🥶
And that, my people, was Strike 1, Strike 2 and now, Strike 3 loading... 😂🇬🇧
TO BE CONTINUED.
Kemi Mobuse Blog Relaunch - Life Has Been LIFING, But Your Girl Is Back!
By Kemi Mobuse - September 11, 2026
Let me not lie to you people, I didn’t just go AWOL… life dragged me by my wig 🤣🤣🤣
No ransom, no negotiation. Life just said, “Madam, enter inside. We need to talk.”
While I was in hibernation, I somehow produced two full-grown human beings.
Not babies o. Not toddlers. Two tall boys. Two taller‑than‑me boys. I blinked once and boom ...they turned to uncles.
Sometimes I look at them like: “Sorry, when exactly did I give birth to adults?” 😜
Then, as if that wasn’t enough, I quit my real estate job, packed my bags, and relocated to the UK.
Next thing, I found myself collecting a nursing degree and now I’m here giving gentle injections and helping people every day.
You should see me at work: “Relax your arm, breathe in…Okay, small sting…
Don’t worry, I’m gentle ..sometimes 🤣.”
Honestly, the way life has been lifing, if it had a face, I would have blocked it on WhatsApp.
But through all the madness, one thing kept pulling me back — blogging. I missed it. I missed gisting with you. I missed discovering amazing Nigerian creatives. I missed shouting “support small businesses!” I missed this space.
And now… your girl is BACK. Not the old version; the upgraded, UK‑based, needle‑wielding, gist‑loving version.
Let’s start again. Let’s laugh. Let’s gist. Let’s shine light on all the amazing things happening in Nigeria, the UK, and everywhere in between 🥰🥰🥰.
Laughline: 10 Qualities Every Maths Teacher In Nigeria Has...HEHE!
By Kemi Mobuse - April 03, 2024
All Mathematics teachers are more similar than you think especially in secondary school.
1. They can flog. It's like all maths teachers attended the Nigerian Flogging Academy 😏
.jpg)
2. They all have the element of surprise deeply rooted in them.
One rainy Thursday when you should be sipping tea, your maths teacher will just enter and ask you to tear sheet of paper
3. They can make anybody run mad.
Because what is that?
4. They are all evil spirits in disguise because what will make a teacher enter an exam hall where you're sweating and start to laugh. What? If not evil spirit.
5. They like to talk.
Because there is always something to say before they share scripts in this life
5. Patience. The patience to mark scripts.
The amount of rubbish I wrote in every maths exam can give someone permanent madness.
6. Punctuality and Stellar Health.
My maths teacher was never sick. Even during Ebola crisis, this man did not catch anything.
7. Embarrassing students is their hobby. You, before maths period Vs. You, after your maths teacher finishes abusing your Olodo ass
8. Experts at confusing people. This minute Sade has 15 oranges and the next minute we have to calculate the sex of Sade's baby.
9. Heart attack givers. According to them, if you don't understand Sine and Cosine, you can't make it in life
But that's not your own business because you want to be a Dj in future. 😛😛😛😛😛😃😃😃
Article originally posted by Kraskstv.com
1. They can flog. It's like all maths teachers attended the Nigerian Flogging Academy 😏
.jpg)
2. They all have the element of surprise deeply rooted in them.
One rainy Thursday when you should be sipping tea, your maths teacher will just enter and ask you to tear sheet of paper
3. They can make anybody run mad.
Because what is that?
4. They are all evil spirits in disguise because what will make a teacher enter an exam hall where you're sweating and start to laugh. What? If not evil spirit.
5. They like to talk.
Because there is always something to say before they share scripts in this life
5. Patience. The patience to mark scripts.
The amount of rubbish I wrote in every maths exam can give someone permanent madness.
6. Punctuality and Stellar Health.
My maths teacher was never sick. Even during Ebola crisis, this man did not catch anything.
7. Embarrassing students is their hobby. You, before maths period Vs. You, after your maths teacher finishes abusing your Olodo ass
8. Experts at confusing people. This minute Sade has 15 oranges and the next minute we have to calculate the sex of Sade's baby.
9. Heart attack givers. According to them, if you don't understand Sine and Cosine, you can't make it in life
But that's not your own business because you want to be a Dj in future. 😛😛😛😛😛😃😃😃
Article originally posted by Kraskstv.com
We are pleased to announce the relaunch of JUBILEE+ REJUVENATE CONFERENCE as a mix of virtual and live events specially designed to empower and inspire ladies from age 40 upwards.
Meet Oluwatomisin Olorungbade the lady who started her made in Nigeria Hair bonnet brand with just N5,000
By Kemi Mobuse - March 04, 2019
I met Tomisin when I was having a bridal Collaboration shoot to show off my modelling side *yimu* I tried sha ohhhh, but that;s beside the point.
Tomisin wanted me to model for her hair bonnet. Prior to that, I've never used a hair bonnet before or even seen one...but Tomisin sold me the idea and I bought it hook, line and sinker.
Not only did I model the hair bonnet, but I ended going home with one,and you can barely find us far apart from each other.😁😁😁😁, I have healthier hair thanks to it and its long enough for me to even be called "an oyinbo" 😉, so whenever you see me, please put some respect on my name,lol!
Read excerpts below:
