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WHEN SCOTLAND CHOSE ME PART 7 — UNFORTUNATELY, WE WILL GET BACK TO YOU SOON!

By Kemi Mobuse - November 11, 2026


My peopleeeee! 🫣😂😂

I know, I know. I've been away for a little while. Life has been lifing, and I've been doing my best to keep up.

Between work, family and everything else, I've also been making time to enjoy myself, go places and create beautiful memories with my girls. 🥂❤️ See them with their big heads here 🤪.

Because abeg, life cannot be all work and responsibilities. Sometimes, a girl needs to dress up, step outside and remember that she is still a fine woman! 🤣

But I haven't forgotten you people. 

I OWE YOU A STORY! 

And UK, my dear, cannot keep getting away with everything. We are still keeping records and issuing strikes!🫠

So, where were we?

Before arriving in Scotland, I had spent hours looking at houses online, saving pictures and imagining how I would furnish them. In my head, finding a house was going to be one of the easiest parts of relocating.

You know that feeling when you see something beautiful and start imagining your life inside it?

That was me.


Like stealing juicy meat from Mama's pot, enjoying every bite until the cane lands on your back! 😭

Only this time, Uk was bringing its own cane, and there was no Mama to beg!


My people, I don't think I had ever heard the word "unfortunately" as many times as I did after arriving in the UK.

Job applications? Unfortunately.

House applications? Unfortunately.

I was beginning to suspect there was a national database of people whose job was to disappoint me. 😂

My first week went smoothly enough. A friend kindly put me up temporarily, although let's not pretend UK accommodation comes free! 😝

But then, my family was due to arrive in three days, and I needed somewhere for all of us to stay.

And so, the house hunt began.
My first viewing was a beautiful house with a lovely picket fence. You know those ones they mention in the movies for happily ever afters?

Ehen, that type exactly! 😅

I arrived very promptly because I believed it was first come, first served. Yimu!


Only to find about 12 other people waiting to view the same property.

Ha! A whole TWELVE! Wahala! I wasn't informed it was a competition ke? 🫤

In my mind, I had already moved in and arranged the furniture. But I wasn't even given the small courtesy of getting home before I received the dreaded email:

Unfortunately, the property went to someone else.

Mschewwww!!!!! 😡😡

Next!

I visited housing offices/agencies in Dundee and was told to apply online. Then came the familiar promises:

"We'll get back to you."

"We'll speak soon."

"We'll be in touch."

HOW DO WE SPEAK SOON WHEN WE DIDN'T EVEN GET TO EXCHANGE NAMES?! 😭


Nobody called. Nobody texted. Nothing.

At this point, I began to suspect that "we'll be in touch" was British  langauge for "please leave us alone, but let us remain polite about it." 🤣

Angrily brought out the famous red card🎴! STRIKE 14 — For THE HOUSING AGENTS! Arrant nonsense! 🙄 

For all those "we'll get back to you soon" promises that never happened. We didn't even exchange names, yet you promised to be in touch. Till today, nobody has even called or texted! Mschewwww!

I eventually went to the council.


My people, I was ready to kneel! In fact, if there had been a microphone, I would have delivered a full-blown, heart-wrenching lamentation! For once, I even forgot about their speaking-through-the-nose habit. 🫣

I explained, with so much dramatic flair, how I had just arrived from Nigeria with my belongings to become a Nurse. And I placed plenty of emphasis ON THE NURSE. (If you know, you know 🫢)

I then added that my family would be arriving in three days and I had nowhere to stay. I even threw in a deep sigh that could melt a heart of stone.

I also made it very clear that I wanted to PAY RENT. I wasn't asking for public funds. I just needed somewhere to live with my family.

I had barely settled into the country. I didn't need another episode of Kemi and the Home Office: The Unwanted Sequel! 😂

I was told to fill in a form, which I did, and went home imagining I would be collecting keys the next morning.

Unfortunately, no call came.

At this point, desperation had taken over.

The kind of desperation that grips you when you go to Eko Market and you're completely exhausted!

 Then you come across that market Mummy who will insult you, shout at you, abuse your ancestors, scream shrilly at you, hiss for extra effect and then tell you to go elsewhere!🤧🤧

But because desperation has entered the chat, you swallow your pride and ask once more:

"Mummy, how much is your last price?"


THAT WAS ME at that point!🤕

My pride, standards and fine-girl packaging had packed their bags and fled! 🤕

I then made the humongous decision to advertise myself on Gumtree.

Yes, ME! 😂

GUMTREE TO THE RESCUE… OR SO I THOUGHT!


Someone eventually contacted me about a house in Forfar. I had no idea whether my advert had worked or whether it was the council at work. Frankly, I didn't care, not at that point. I just wanted a house!

So, off I went for the viewing. 😮‍💨

Ha! My people, for the first time, I even attempted the bus, albeit with great trepidation.

Thank God for the handsome Nigerian guy I met on the bus! However, everything bobo fine boi taught me about using the bus and the stops went in one ear and out the other. Me that was ogling the guy with my mouth open.

Mehn! God dey create sha! 😪😪 I almost forgot I was even married😌

As if God wanted to punish me for ogling that fine specimen of a man, I had to trek and climb a hill, huffing and puffing while shivering like a rabid dog, thanks to the cold, just to get to the house!

Tah! 😟

I suffered! At this point, all the sweet thoughts of the fine man had evaporated. I had repented en route. 😟 

What a waste of delusion! 🙄🤧

I sha finally got to the house.

Sighhhhh!

There were several people there, and guess what! I was the only Black person.

The house wasn't quite what I had imagined, but at this point, I was more concerned about having a roof over our heads.

It was also close to a burial ground 😨😨😨

Uk please. What exactly are we doing here? 😭

Then I opened one of the doors while on the house tour,

THE WHOLE DOOR FELL INTO MY HANDS!


My people, imagine opening a door and the entire door deciding it has had enough of its job!

There I was, standing with a whole door in my hands.

""Excusez-moi!" I SCREAMED SHRILLY, forgetting all decorum. 😅

"Is this the house you actually want to give to me?!" I asked in disbelief!

The woman calmly replied:

"Don't worry. We are going to get that fixed."

MADAM, I AM VERY WORRIED!

The door looked like it was about to reveal a hidden skeleton. Hollywood had already done enough to my imagination; UK was now giving me a live-action horror movie!

Eventually, I was told the house had already been taken.😮‍💨

Was it really taken, or had the woman realised she was showing people an uncompleted building? I still wonder. 😂

But she later contacted me about another house she owned.

Would I like to view it?

My family was arriving in three days. Of course, YES!


The viewing was arranged for the very day my family was due to arrive. I had lectures that day, hadn't seen the house, and the woman said she would give me the key on the viewing day.

At this point, desperation was firmly in the driver's seat. I was no longer asking too many questions. 😭
 
Now, let me tell you about my transport situation.

I was spending ridiculous amounts on taxis because I simply did not understand the bus system.

My friend tried to explain the bus app.

"Here, then here, then here…"

I looked at the map.

Then at her.

Then back at the map.

IS THIS FURTHER MATHS?!


In Nigeria, you enter a bus and the conductor starts shouting:

"OJUELEGBA! BERGER! WHO DEY ALIGHT?"

You just listen for your stop. No calculations, no studying maps, no advanced mathematics!

Abeg, lemme! No be me kee my mama! 😭

I chose taxis.

My friend asked whether I knew how much a taxi to Edinburgh would cost.

I confidently replied, "I am a rich woman after all!"

Rich in confidence, perhaps. My bank account, however, was not copied on the announcement. 🤣

And remember, the money I was spending was money I had cried over my siblings' necks to get. No be say na me work for it!😟

Finally, D-day arrived, and I eventually took a taxi from Dundee to Forfar.

About 30 minutes journey.

£60!

That's what the driver charged me, much to my chagrin! But remember, I was a rich woman, lol! I paid with tears in my eyes. 😮‍💨😮‍💨

Thankfully, the house looked much better. It had a front garden, a back garden and was white throughout. Ha! It was the dream!!!!

Everything was looking perfect… until I realised there were NO STAIRS!

You know those inside-the-house stairs that we use for photoshoots? Hei God! They were MISSING! 🙄🤣 And there went my daily photoshoot dream. 😮‍💨

But hey, it would definitely do, mai dearrrrrrr! 😮‍💨😪 I was still a beggar who couldn't be choosing. 🤐

I paid, collected the key, dropped my bags and finally felt some relief.

But my family was arriving in Edinburgh, so I needed another taxi.

Forfar to Edinburgh?

£150!


Another taxi driver charged me that amount with a straight face and an impatient attitude. Ha! I'm in SIFIA PAIN at this point, my people!

I had just spent a total of £210 in barely two hours! 😮‍💨😮‍💨 And the saddest part?

If I had understood the bus and public transport system, I could probably have spent about £30 overall.

That's a difference of £180! And to add insult to injury, my brain decided to do a pounds-to-naira conversion, which meant I had just spent over ₦400,000 on taxis in ONE DAY!

Abeg, I really don't want to talk about the extra pain of paying another £150 to bring us all back to Forfar. KILODEEEEE! 😭😭😭

Oh Chim! If my ancestors and siblings had heard about this scandalous spending spree I went on, they would have definitely organised an emergency meeting to query whether my brain clock was still ticking correctly. Haaaa! 🫠🫠🫠

The thought alone sends shivers of invisible fear down my spine. 😂

FINALLY, MY FAMILY!

After all the searching, disappointment, taxi expenses and drama, the moment finally arrived.

My husband and my boys!

We were together again.


I cannot explain how that moment felt. I finally had my family with me, and somewhere we could call home.

UK IS FINALLY HAPPENING! 🥹❤️

But wait…

There was one small detail I had overlooked.

THE HOUSE WAS EMPTY!

No bed. No sofa. No chairs. NOTHING!

After all that money I'd spent on taxis, you'd think I had arrived at a fully furnished mansion.

My people, we entered that house and met ECHO! 😭🤣

That first night? We slept on the floor!

Our first dinner was cold cereal. My younger son had rice cooked in the microwave. Thankfully, my husband had brought stew from Nigeria.

THANK GOD FOR SMALL MERCIES!

We had a roof over our heads, water, heating and, most importantly, each other.

It wasn't the perfect beginning I had imagined, but it was OUR beginning. And having my husband there made all the difference.

As for the furniture story, that one deserves an episode of its own! 😂

Because getting the keys was only the beginning.

UK, here is STRIKE 15 🎴— JUST BECAUSE! 🙄


TO BE CONTINUED… ❤️

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