Things My Past Relationships Taught Me About Love and Life

By Kemi Mobuse - Tuesday, September 19, 2017

When it comes to relationships, I realized too late that: all the books I have been reading rarely ever prepare me for the harsh realities of the dating world, I always end up going into those relationships with rose coloured tinted glasses and leave with red eyes brimming with hot tears, no one kuku send me! LOL!😉
Looking back though, I learnt the hard way that: it was not usually all good or all bad....I oftentimes  come away with something positive: a lesson learned and  a value gained, truth is; I wouldn't go back and do anything differently. {maybe in my dreams sha 😝}. Afterall; It's never worth regretting something you once wanted. 

Thinking back, there was probably nothing anyone could've said to me that would've changed my mind. Some lessons I only learned after my relationship ended.

Here are some things my past relationships taught me about love and life....who knows who may learn a thing or two from it...:

It always always get better because nothing: not even pain lasts forever…

Your first heartbreak will hurt 10 times more than you think it will. CHOI! it actually felt as if, my heart literally broke…I doubled up in pain and tears countless times in the first few days after.

Even though it seems hopeless, things get better with time. Sometimes, it seems impossible to move on, and the pain might always sting a bit, but eventually, you'll find someone new.

On that note, there's no better feeling in the world than developing a crush on someone. It's the first sign you're ready to move on after a breakup.
It's a relief to know you're capable of having feelings for someone new, no matter how badly your heart was broken by the last person.

Letting go is better than forcing things with the wrong person.

The hardest lesson to learn (and the one I'm most reluctant to accept) is the right time to say goodbye to someone. In my relationships, I've always given the other person the best of me, even when I know they didn't deserve it. I always hoped, one day, they'd wake up and realize what a great thing they had. 
I lost count of how often, I ended up being taken for granted, but I never lost hope that, they will see me for the good person that I am…I waited so tey, I nearly grew roots there…Hehe!

If you're continuously putting in 10 times the amount of effort your boo is putting in, move on. It'll be hard, but you'll learn to accept that:;not everything can be fixed.

Learn to trust your Instinct:
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Once you feel your guy is losing interest, trust your instinct….a woman’s instinct is always close to 100% right…I always try to make excuses, on why I am seeing what is right before me. Please don’t.

When  He starts makes excuses….While at first, he was all about you…now all of a sudden he has to work late, he wants to see you but he really needs to go to the gym… he’s really tired…he thinks he’s coming down with a cold. Whereas in the beginning, he would race to see you even if he had to climb out from under a pile of work, running on two hours of sleep, with the flu, these days he seems to jump on any tiny excuse he can find to avoid hanging out with you.

Typically, whenever someone gives you an excuse for why they can’t do something, what they’re really telling you is they don’t want to do that thing. Trust your instinct and face the music head on…If he cares a lot, He will show it without any form of persuasion.

Expectations can be better than reality.
This is especially true when you like someone for a while before you actually date them.

You spend so much time imagining what a relationship with someone might look like that the reality of the relationship itself is a letdown.
I've spent many days dreaming about guys I saw at school, church or just around me. I imagined us meeting and pictured cute dates, strolling hand in hand.
I realized too late that: I have a habit of getting whatever I wished for, especially in relationships..sigh!

What I got, instead, were hook ups or guys who didn't want relationships, though, that's no fault of their own. It’s just who they are….
Basically, if you don't expect much, you won't be hurt if the relationship doesn't work out in the long run.

You can't change someone's mind if they don't want a relationship.
Over the years, I've heard every possible variation of the phrase, “I like you, I just don't want a relationship.”

To me, it makes absolutely no sense to spend ample time with someone, do typical “couple” things and essentially be in a relationship with that person if you're going to refuse to call it an actual relationship.

If you're like me, you'll stay with these people for too long, hoping they'll change their minds. But they never will.
Odds are, eventually, people are going to realize they're ready for a committed relationship, but the realization must come on its own.

Most people don't deserve a second chance.
If someone disappointed you or hurt you once, chances are, they're going to do it again.

Don't meet up with the guy who ghosted you last month. The first time, you couldn't have seen it coming, but you'll only have yourself to blame if you let it happen another time.
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There are so many people out there in the world. It's better to start fresh with someone new, rather than trying to have a second round with someone who doesn't deserve your time and energy.

 You're not the only one with baggage.
At the start of a new relationship, you bring with you your past, your memories and all your experiences. And the other person brings the same.
I always forget they have their own histories, which can affect the way they act in a relationship.

Thanks to my hearing issues, my confidence level was Zero, even though, I could see I am beautiful, it just wasn’t enough, because, I was allowing the guys in  my life to define me.

You need to know you're both bringing baggage to the equation, and then, decide if you're ready for the commitment that comes with dating someone.
Then, just close your eyes, breathe and take the plunge…..just pray you don’t end up landing on your head, hehe! 
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Final Thoughts

If a guy isn’t interested in you, all it means is he isn’t the right guys for you, and that’s really no big deal. Don’t beat yourself up or take this personally. I know it feels personal, but it really isn’t.
Not everyone can be a match for everyone else…and we wouldn’t want it to be that easy. The hard part of it all is what makes it worth it in the end.

I know it can feel devastating in the moment, especially if you felt that the connection was strong and that he has all the qualities you want in a man, but if he were the right guy for you, he would be with you. You may not see it now, but in time you will meet a man who makes his interest known, who claims you and never leaves you with questions or doubts, who really sees you and appreciates the full scope of who you are, then all of this will make sense and you will wonder why you ever willingly wasted time on someone who couldn’t or wouldn’t see your worth.

There is a light at the end, remember that and just keep going. Keep working on yourself, keep growing, keep building your inner strength and quality of character. Do these things and love will be effortless.

Soon.....I will write about ways to keep that guy....Interested?Then subscribe to this blog and follow us today.....Catch ya!

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  1. Good write up...learnt a thing PR two...thankz

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